A Bedtime Story, Conclusion

Where did we leave ST, Monday night? That's right, she was all wound up. A flirty statement was taken way beyond its original meaning, and she was left attempting to figure out the best solution. Remember her penchant for melodrama. It's key. ST has a tendency to build things up, and work herself up to the stage where everything is not just on red alert, but the alert-o-meter has broken because it can't go any higher. A desparate plea to her friends was sent, and she went to bed, awaiting answers.

Upon reading her email the next morning, ST realised that her friends were woefully unhelpful. Two examples:

1. Kevin. ST had wanted the male perspective on things. She had quite obviously forgotten that Kevin is not that breed of male who helps, but rather 1) makes fun of you and 2) generally encourages the wrong plan of attack because he finds it funny. What pithy words of advice did Kevin give her?

   "You cheater!"
   "Bow-chicka-bow-wow!"
   "Sleep with him. That's the only thing to do."
   "You just want to do it randy English style."
   "Are you gonna wear a thong bikini?"

   Kevin also had the temerity to get Mad at poor ST for not having told him about the TA. When she pointed out that it was a mere date, and did not involve rumpling the bedhseets, Kevin did agree that it was not that grevious an oversight. It was also transparently clear that he was going to be of No Help Whatsoever.
   
   
2. Stephanie. ST was desparately hoping that Steph's advanced years (being five years older) would help to shed some light onto this matter - and hopefully she would come up with a solution as well! Wouldn't that be swell? However, it seemed as though all the skiing has affected Steph - maybe moving at such fast speeds loosens brain cells more quickly. This is what she had to say:

   So, your directions are as follows: You are to bring your sexiest swimsuit, head on up to whereever it is you're meeting him, and flirt outrageously with him all night long in order to establish the fact that "shockingly flirtatious" was an understatement at best and that, while you are unfortunately taken, you are indeed the most fun woman he has ever been with. You are to drink (but not too much - drinking and hot tubs don't mix well), have LOTS of fun, and then you are to sleep in separate beds as crankypants is arriving in 4 days and while it may seem like a great idea at the time, you certainly don't want to have to deal with guilt this weekend. I think you were BOTH being playful - it would be a shame if the playfulness peaked before you even saw him.
   
   Bear in mind that the above advice uses the following strategy, which I, myself, have employed several times in the not-so-distant past: do everything you can to get a man to fall in love with you, lust after you, want you, etc (whatever the goal may be), and then plead ignorance when it actually happens. "Oh, you feel *how*? Gee, I was just having fun and acting like I always do." Extrication may prove difficult and hurtful. That part sucks.

   That's right. While there were lots of words, and perhaps it was too early in the morning to be reading emails, and ST was pretty sure she wasn't hungover and confused, she was pretty sure she got the jist of matters - that is, screw with his head royally. While with nearly any other guy, ST wouldn't mind a few mind-games, this might be a wee bit excessive. Maybe she should set Steph up with Kevin, ST thought. They seemed to have approached her dilemna in the same way. That is, from the Most Unhelpful Point ever.

Without any helpful friends, ST was left in a bind. What to do? Aha! A friend (SA) popped up out of the woodwork, ready and available to go out Tuesday night. Phew! ST thought. SA will definitely keep me out of trouble.. unless she gets drunk and passes out.. or my will is too indominable to stop.. ST put an end to these pernicious thoughts, and commanded SA with the high task of Keeping Her Ass Out Of Trouble. (Note: This has never worked before.)

But quickly, matters devolved from the broken-red alert to a more calm and peaceful yellow. To help allay matters, ST sent an email to CBG exclaiming surprise that this wasn't a group outing, since she had already invited SA. (All these initials are crazy!) He called afternoon of outing to arrange plans, and said he would call again when plans were more settled. But he was going to drive out to her hometown! Yippee! Hot tub crisis averted! ST picked up SA and they want to a bar to drink. CBG never called. Angry for her friend (and upon a little bit of urging, combined with alcohol in the bloodstream), SA left a series of increasingly "abusive" messages on CBG's cell phone. Wow, I sure hope that he knows how to pick up voicemail on his phone!, thought ST, since CBG was borrowing his parents' mobile for the night. After all, they might wonder about the "ST is not calling you herself because she says that now you're in a fight" and the "you better have lost all your limbs, your voice, and be unconscious, that's your only excuse, sucker!" messages left on their phone.

Yes, in the end, it was very anticlimatic and a wee bit disappointing. ST felt a little silly that she had worked herself (and everyone else too!) up over everything. But ST was happy that she had a chance to catch up with SA, and they concluded the night with a late night In-and-Out run. Cheeseburgers and frenchfries at 1AM! It was Perfectly Lovely!

CBG did send an apologetic email the next day. His cell phone had died on him. Alas! Too little, too late. Perhaps another time.

But when a door closes, a window opens. Is that the saying? For New Year's Day, ST woke up and saw that HTA - who had disappeared from the story so long ago! - had left her a text message. Surprise of all surprises! She had not heard from him since September! Perhaps that will be another story, though. It's too much for one night.