Golden schmolden

Watching the Golden Globe arrival show last night (I kept thinking they were saying "rival show," and would get periodically confused - what were they rivaling? If I made this mistake once, that'd be one thing - but it kept happening. I am apparently approaching Jessica Simpson-esque stupidity), I have to say: if I were an actress, I would absolutely hate those annoying interviewers on the red carpet. I'd just want to walk down the carpet, have everyone take pictures of my pretty dress, wave to my adoring fans and get inside, avoiding the plague that consists of Nancy O'Dell and Lisa Ling (disclaimer: I find both very annoying normally) - they would bug the living crap out of me. First of all, what was Nancy O'Dell wearing last night? It was some horrendous seafoam green satin confection that was massively unattractive. Looked like pajamas from the bottom of the bin ultra-last-clearance sale at Frederick's of Hollywood. And, she is not a good interviewer. I do have to laud her for being able to come up with questions on the spot (or is there a teleprompter at the ready?) but wow, the questions are so obnoxious, the delivery so overly fawning, that if I were being interviewed by her, it would be so hard for me to not slap her. Lisa Ling is similarly fake, and I was so embarassed for Tom Cruise when she talked about how cute his butt was.

But it was fun to watch some of the various actors and actresses, whom I suspect share the same emotions towards Nancy O'Dell (because she is the greater of the two evils), try not to appear overly peeved by her blinding white (obviously veneered) teeth. I wish I could recall some instances here, but the Golden Globes is another good occassion (just like the State of the Union!) to drink.

However, if I were in that situation, being faced with the fakeness that is Nancy O'Dell, here is perhaps how I would react:

Q: What will you do if you win the Golden Globe?
A: Obviously, rub it in everyone's faces by wearing it as a super-sized pendant.

Q: Do you have any advice for your fellow nominees?
A: None. They're the enemy.

(If I were any of the cast members of Sex and the City)
Q: How do you feel about this being your last season?
A: Frankly, I'm glad. I hate the ugly-ass outfits we have to wear, pretending that they're all hip and cool. Don't you think they're atrocious too? Plus, the utter vapidity of the show, sometimes, just kills me. By the way, we all hate each other, and I'll be glad to never see my fellow cast members ever again.

Q:You always look stunning! What's your secret?
A: Lots of booze, lots of sex, lots of drugs, a swell eating disorder and a great plastic surgeon.

(If I were any of the cast members of Will and Grace)
Q: You and your fellow cast members have been nominated so many times in the past, but have always lost. Do you think this year is going to be any different?
A: Why, as a matter of fact, I slept with several members of the Hollywood Foreign Press to ensure that we don't win a single award this year!

And I haven't even gotten to the after-party interviews. Make Billy Bush get off the television. And also that Carson guy from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. He is entirely too enthusiastic - in a freakish way - and obnoxious about clothes. I think he looks like a scary bird - and he said J. Lo was the best dressed? She looked totally frumpy. Plus he was wearing a pastel pink tuxedo jacket! Make it go away! And Nancy and Pat what's-his-name? All of them. They should all be banished! Nobody wants to talk to them nor hear their chirpy annoying voices.

Addendum: Gothamist has a much better review of what happened last night.