Pick me, you suckers!

Answers that should not go into my personal statement, nor mentioned in any potential interviews:

Q: Why do you want to go into child development?
A: Because until I have kids of my own, I want to play with other people's.

Q: Why psychology?
A: So I can screw with people's minds.

Q: Why education?
A: Uh, because the psych degrees require too much work.

Q: Why do you want to come here?
A: The question is, why wouldn't you want me here?

Q: Why did you give up medicine?
A: Because it bored me to death.

Q: Why not French?
A: What kind of career can you have with a PhD in French? Au pair?

Q: How about international relations?
A: Because it's a lame Brown degree where I only learned about alcoholism in Russia.

Q: Do you ever consider going back to medicine?
A: Only if I want to commit suicide by the age of 30.

Q: What do you plan on doing with a degree in psychology?
A: Professionally screwing with people's minds, for money this time.

Q: What about education?
A: Seeing if I can convert all of America to the French model of schooling.

Q: Why do you think you'd be a good professor?
A: Because the lazy lifestyle suits me perfectly.

Q: Any other questions, or information you'd like to share?
A: Really, this is just a stopgap until I get married and can become a volunteer docent at the Getty.