My future convent.

For many years now, I have been planning my convent. Now, this isn't a convent by your standard Catholic definition of the word. Oh no. It's my convent, and that means I get to set the rules.

First of all, it is going to be on Malta. Why Malta, you ask? Because, it is an island in the Mediterranean and has mostly good weather. It wouldn't do at all to have a convent in a place where it rains. That would just be a bummer. Plus, the dollar can go far there. At least, this is what I think. And it is isolated enough so that there is the illusion of seclusion. But, it's easy flying to continental Europe.

Habits will be redesigned by... I don't know, I haven't yet figured that out. I was thinking something nice and ocean blue-y, flowy, in a couple of styles. Perhaps a nice strappy sundress, and then a tank top/pareo outfit, and then a linen tunic of sorts. All in the same colour, of course, for that illusion of uniformity. Rather like my high school uniform. But in different styles, because not everyone's body shape is the same. And you have to account for differences. Flip flops will be the footwear of choice.

Naturally, boys will not allowed to be a part of the convent. If they want a similar setup, I have several male friends who have offered to start nearby monasteries, so guys can go there. We might have monthly mixers, depending on how cute the others are.

However, since we will need help, there will be a poolhouse of sorts where we will keep the cabana boys and butlers and other manservants. You don't expect us to clean the grounds by ourselves, do you?

Days will be taken up by reflection poolside, meditation on the beach, and peaceful walks around the orchards. Trips to the rest of Europe will occur on a monthly basis, depending on how crappy the weather is on the island and how bored we are of each other.

Crankypants snorts with laughter every time I talk about my convent, which is approximately every time I get mad at him. I start researching properties, which just sends him into greater peals of laughter, and he says, "That's not a convent, that's a bordello." But I beg to differ. In a bordello, you pay for sex. In my convent.. well, there is obviously no such thing. No paying for sex. That's just.. uncouth. I told him if he was lucky he'd get to be a poolboy.