Why I don't eat fruit:

Apples: Are only good when they're straight from the tree. Apples that have been sitting in supermarkets are not as flavourful, and therefore not worthy of eating. Plus, they only taste good when spread liberally with peanut butter.

Pears: So hard to find good ripe ones. Either they're too hard, or too mushy. Plus, the skin is too thick, so you have to peel them to enjoy them.

Oranges: I love oranges, but I hate peeling them. I don't like it when the pith gets stuck underneath my nails. My mom used to peel oranges for my lunch. I wouldn't eat them if she didn't. I miss when my mother made lunch for me. (Oh wait, she does, every summer when I'm home again.)

Bananas: Are mushy. I hate mushy foods you can squash against your hard palate. Plus, my father made me eat two a day when I was little because it was good for me. Therefore, just like milk, I avoid bananas like the plague. Unless they come with ice cream on top.

Mangoes: See "oranges." Add cutting to the "hate peeling" sentence. But when I go home, my mom cuts a big bowlful for me every day. Then I lay in my hammock and eat them and read a trashy novel. It's rather pleasant.

Persimmons: See "oranges" and "mangoes."

Pineapples: See "oranges" and "mangoes" and "persimmons". Add, hard to find really good ones.

Grapes: I will only eat the green seedless ones. The purple ones aren't as good, and the ones with seeds, while the best, are too labour-intensive. I will only eat them if someone peels the skin for me and removes the seeds, as my mother did when I was really little.

Starfruit: I will happily slice and eat these. But they are very hard to find.

Watermelon: See "oranges" and "mangoes" and "persimmons" and "pineapples"

Honeydew: See "oranges" and "mangoes" and "persimmons" and "pineapples" and "watermelon."

Cantaloupe: A melon I don't actually like, because it sometimes has a funny texture and taste. And it's ugly on the outside. It creeps me out.

Cherries: Since buying Ranier cherries, which are like little bits of candy, I have been spoiled. No more normal Bing cherries for me. But Ranier cherries (which are this lovely colour of yellow and blush red) are expensive, and harder to find.

Strawberries: I like these. But I rarely eat a whole box. So they all go to waste. So to prevent this, I don't buy them.

Kiwi: The seeds get stuck in my teeth. I like the white centre, though. The green flesh is always sour.

I have come to the conclusion that I don't eat fruit because I am so damn lazy. This is probably not a good enough reason. But at the same time, it just goes to show that I need servants to prepare my fruit for me so that I'll eat it.