How to hit a nerve. Repeatedly.

I really need to lay off poor crankypants. I think, that amazingly, I've actually hit a nerve and that he's starting to demonstrate jealous tendencies. Examples:

1. When he asked what I was doing this weekend, I told him that I was going to go to New York to see some friends. Oh, and that Nick (#1, if you care) wanted me to go to New Jersey with him to pick up a coffee table. His response? "Now, if that isn't a euphemism.." at which point I interrupted, "Euphemism for what?" I mean, seriously. Going to Jersey to pick up a coffee table is just that. So I laughed at him. Then he said, "Maybe Nick can refer to me as 'that thing in Virginia' again." (The last time Nick asked me about crankypants, that's what he called him, "that thing in Virginia," following that with a "do you see yourselves breaking up in the near future?" What a question.) And I laughed at him again. Poor boy. He definitely is sensitive regarding this. I had no idea it stung that much, but he should give me a better feeling of how he feels regarding this matter, rather than trying to be cool and pretending that it doesn't affect him at all. But did I stop there? Oh no.
   
   
2. Then I told him that my friend and I were going to hang out with some of her trader friends. This did not go over too well either. Him: "Traders are meatheads." Someone is feeling threatened! I tried to soothe him by telling him I was going to be scoping them out for other friends, which is true. But he knows me, and he knows that I'd flirt shamelessly with them beforehand just for kicks.
   
   
3. As if that weren't enough, then I told him about how my friends are convinced that my friend Stan is in love with me. Just because he called me at midnight the other night to tell me so doesn't mean it, does it? But he does, I've known he's been mad crazy about me for forever, but really, we're just friends. For various reasons - usually my own fatigue, I've also had to cancel lunch on Stan 4 times in a row, which makes me a horrible person. But then I told crankypants, "Well, Stan loves me, so he can deal with it. He'll still love me." Now, I realise that it is entirely my fault if crankypants never ever tells me he loves me, because I effectively screwed myself over with that statement and my attitudes regarding Stan and Nick. I am so stupid sometimes.
   
   
4. But just to add icing to the cake, I then told him that in grad school - wait, what's that? Did someone's first choice accept her? YES THEY DID!! A year in Cambridge will be lovely! I am so excited already! Anyway, I told him that the business school has great fancy formals with the school of education. Traditionally, the B-school was mostly males, while the ed school was mostly females, hence these forced socials. I love ridiculous traditions like this. Especially since it means that I can wear the masses of dresses I've accumulated and not yet worn! My lovely BCBGs and Dianes, your day will come very soon. Obviously, this is the Best Part Ever of attending that school up north. Screw the educational value. Crankypants, very amused, said, "You'll do anything to get me up there," to which I blithely replied, "But you're not invited, they don't let people who don't attend the two schools come!" at which point, a little miffed, he said, "Sounds like they're trying for their own form of eugenics then." Haahaahaa. He should be worried. Serves him right for never visiting me up here, and for not letting me come down for his spring formal, citing the fact that he had too much work. He didn't think that would come back to bite him in the ass?

The best (worst?) part of all of this is that all four of these points were laid upon him in one phone call, I didn't even give him a chance to breathe. But he is obviously starting to respond to my needling provocations now. I just need to be careful and adoring for a spell to soothe his wounded ego. At which point I'll just start it all over again. I think a week is enough recovery time. I will be the first to admit that I am a handful and a half to deal with. Really, I sit around thinking of ways to aggravate him. It's so much fun.