My mother always told me to find a guy who was more in love with me than me with him, to ensure his continuing faithfulness and loyalty. This is perhaps a slightly cynical look at the world of relationships, but, if I wanted this, Nick (Nick #1, if you're wondering) would fit this description to a tee.

Blahblahblah, I'm not going to rehash stuff I've said before, but am going to add that he's the only guy I have ever had The Talk with. Yes, that includes crankypants. No, one fine fall day our senior year, Nick and I actually had The Talk about the state of our (non-existent aside from friendship, at least in my eyes) relationship. Over two hours of him saying crap like, "Well, Boston and Providence are so far apart," and "I don't know why we didn't just start dating freshman year," and "well, we're seniors, it doesn't really make sense because I don't know where I'm going to be next year," and lots of me just nodding and trying not to fall asleep. Naturally, nothing got figured out, for various reasons: 1) he was dating someone else and 2) I wasn't interested in him.

Anyhow. Guess who was in town yesterday? Ah yes, Nick. His brother goes to the fine college here, and so for some reason or other, Nick decided to visit. The majority of the details of the day will be left out, because they're largely uninteresting and consisted of me just wanting to bash his skull in because he was being a pain. Suffice it to say that we went out to dinner with his brother and his brother's friends, which was rather amusing and had the end result of making me feel very, very, very old, as they're freshmen in college, with their entire college career ahead of them, housing dilemnas and class-choosing and all. And it's been two years now. Egads.

The fun parts of the day were when I'd mention crankypants, and Nick would just act like I hadn't said anything at all. "Oh, you're going to Puerto Rico?" he'd ask, picking up my guidebook, and I'd reply, "Yes, crankypants has spring break next week." But given the absolute lack of reaction, I could have been blowing air. While discussing cross-country drives at the dinner table, I threw in, "Oh, crankypants drives from Virginia to LA twice a year, it's such a haul," and all the other people at the table would have questions, but Nick would be sitting there eating food off my plate.

The absolute crowning point, however, was when I was driving him to the bus station so he could go, oh, I'm not even sure where, and he finally asked - after, oh, maybe 7 hours spent in each other's company:

"So, how's that, uh, thing in Virginia going? It's been, uh, what, two years now?"

That's right. That thing. Call it a relationship. Use the guy's name, for crying out loud, I've been involved with him for long enough. But I was completely honest, and replied,

"Oh, it's great, it works right now, you know?"

in that it works, the distance, miraculously somehow, isn't that horrific a problem. But how did Nick reply?

"Do you see yourself breaking up with him in the near future?"

Now, that, that just did not require a response. I just looked at him, and very exasperatedly responded

"What I mean by that, is that even with the distance, it works. Not that we're going to break up anytime soon. Do people go into relationships anticipating the end? So, how are things with you and your ex?"

Ah. Poor Nick. I'll probably be insanely jealous when he does finally meet someone else and falls madly in love with her. But that doesn't look like it's happening anytime soon, so I feel relatively safe.

The other amusing part of the night - well, perhaps amusing isn't it. As I dropped him off at the bus station, we discussed when we could see each other next. Since he's a busy busy consultant, he doesn't have many weekends free. So while figuring this out, he came out with, "You know, I've noticed this for the past six years we've known each other, but every once in awhile, usually when you're trying to work things through, your voice takes on this slightly nasally quality that makes it sound like you're crying." Okay, so I'm sure that I'm the only person over 18 who watched Win a Date with Tad Hamilton, but there's this very charming scene where Topher Grace's character describes Kate Bosworth's character's six different smiles. Cheesy, yes, but it shows he knows her that well. So, while nasal voice isn't as charming as six smiles, it's rather cute that Nick's noticed this, except I swear, the only time my voice gets nasally is when I'm whining and trying to make a point, not all the time. But the worst part of all, is that Nick is calling my voice nasally. Scarlett Ace has heard the pleasure of hearing Nick speak. Nick has one of the most nasally voices ever, to the point where one of my friends, after meeting him, said, "Dear, you slept with that voice? How did you ever stand it?" It makes me want to cry, to hear him tell me that my voice is nasally, and now I want to sign up immediately for elocution lessons.

On a side note. Some of Nick's younger brother's friends were very cute and adorable, and remarkably good conversationalists. I don't remember me or any of my friends being so well-versed in so many topics when we were 18. Had the most delightful conversation with the very cute guy next to me about various artists, ranging from the 16th century to the modern day. Didn't hurt that his father owns three art galleries, in New York and LA. I had to keep reminding myself that he was only 18 - my sister's age, 5 years younger, barely legal. I can see it now. I am so going to be one of those older women who has younger lovers. It's okay. I've accepted my fate.