A-stooging we will go..

Keep in mind that I have nothing better to do with my time. So when I came across this item on Gawker about cuddle parties, I knew that it had to be incorporated into some sort of prank.

But first, the research. Off to the official website. Look, they give you rules on how to host a cuddle party. My favourite rule is:

The Erection Phenomenon: If something "comes up" during the party, it's okay. We may be adults, but boys will be boys, so let's just declare that getting an erection is just getting an erection and not something weird or nasty. The cultural stigma surrounding sex, touch, and adults in intimate groups is bound to have all kinds of things rising to the surface, emotional as well as physical, during a Cuddle Party, so let's just recognize erections for what they are: naturally occurring phenomenon. Should they occur, let's make them mean nothing more than Mother Nature's whimsical way of giving us the thumbs-up!

Okay, enough of that. If you want all the rules, you can go to the website yourself. Dude, the guy went to Brown. Why do we turn out such weirdos. Anyhow..

I sent the link to Kevin, and he asked "Can we have a cuddle party after dinner?" referring to that night in New York in a couple of weeks when we're having this massive get-together. After some making fun of the concept (how can you not?), he said, "How the HELL did you find this, if I might ask? I think you were searching for stuff to do with crankypants, and you wanted my validation that this would be a good idea..." and before he could say (okay, type, this was all over IM) another word, that lightbulb of boredom-inspired genius lit up.

"I am going to email this to him," I typed, "And pretend that I'm serious!"

"Beat me to it," he responded.

And so, it begins.

Kevin is a master stooger. Senior year, he lived with two other guys and a girl. One of the guys, Brian, had a girlfriend, and thus was always out of the apartment - and the rest of them took this time to prank him. Amongst my more favourite pranks are: when they froze all of Brian's boxers - but, they were clever enough to add water to the ziploc bag before freezing it, so he had to wait for it to all melt before he could dry them to wear them. Then there was the time they got a "fake brick wall" (I'm not really sure what it was made of, I never saw this one), and nailed it inside Brian's door, so that when he opened his door he saw a wall and couldn't get in.

So, with Kevin's help, the following email was sent to crankypants:

So, I was talking to Karina about stuff to do on Friday night in NY, and she suggested this thing called a cuddle party. (www.cuddleparty.com) She claims it's all the rage in New York and she said that she and her boyfriend have tried it and they love it. They talked about having one with their friends and she thought our dinner would be a good start, wine, cosy place, etc. I think it's a cool idea, what about you? Want to get a hotel in the vicinity of the LES, so that we can facilitate this?

Really, Kevin's genius is wasted in the field of engineering. He could rival Ashton Kutcher with the level and quality of his stooging.

However, we forgot that we're working against a master. Crankypants's favourite hobby is "stirring the pot." And he knows that I wallow in sarcasm. His response was:

That sight [sic] is the funniest thing I've seen in a long, long time. We hicks from Wisconsin have another word for the result of (a) alcohol, (b) cramped spaces, (c) lots of people, and (d) touching each other. It's called an ORGY. My favorite are the tips that the dude gives to emphasize that it's not an orgy; i.e. it's O.K. to kiss, but you have to ask first.... I do think it would be an awesome way to stir the pot, though!

Stir the pot my ass. The big guns are coming out, at this point. He thinks I'm joking? And he's going to try to call me on this? Just watch how much I'm joking.

Before I had time to come up with a witty response (read: consult Kevin), crankypants called, and while we were discussing New York plans, he casually said, "Yeah, I don't know if I'm going to invite this conservative southern guy to dinner because if the cuddle parties happen, he might not be so cool with it."

Oh my! Is he trying to outpunk me? The thing is, I couldn't tell at all. Usually, I can tell if he's joking, but this was completely deadpan, as if he were serious. Now, if he actually was serious, I'd start freaking out. So to prevent this, I languished in denial and decided that I have to take it as though he was only pretending to be serious.

Of course, what do you do in this situation? You ask yourself: What would Kevin do?

Because really, that should be my motto in life. And everyone else's, but not everyone is lucky enough to know him.

But since I do know Kevin, I have the benefit of going straight to the source for advice. And this is the email that we came up with:

Since you sounded so open to the idea over the phone, I got in touch with REiD about having him host our cuddle party, but he said he only feels comfortable if he's seen pictures of the people first. So I sent him a picture of us, and he said that I was a very lucky person to have such a cute boyfriend, and he asked me if I'd ever consider sharing you at the party. Oh, and he assented to hosting the party at his apartment too, isn't that great?!

If that doesn't freak him out and call his bluff, I don't know what will.

Like I said, I really need something better to do with my time.