Rah! After I fly home today (first class, bien sûr - what's the good of having all these frequent flier miles accumulated from visiting crankypants if I don't use them to my benefit?), I'm not gonna have to fly anywhere for the next three months (aside from trips to San Francisco and Vegas - but they're less than an hour away, they don't really count).

You have no idea how excited I am to not have to see the interior of an airport for such a long span of time. While having preferred status on airlines is certainly a nice perk, flying just gets tiring after awhile. I don't know how people fly for business. There is just so much stress, and I swear my skin starts to break out as soon as I think of upcoming flights.

Because I am lacking in all creativity, I leave you with bits of an IM transcript between me and Scarlett Ace regarding Brooke. Ah, to be so boring. I can't even fathom.

me: oh she's going to vegas in june with mark
me: i cannot see her in vegas
ScarlettAce: me neither...i can see her saying, "oh heavens to betsey, those showgirls are nearly naked"
me: she's gonna go to vegas and not gamble
me: now, i'm generally against gambling
me: but if you're going to vegas
me: might as well do some of it
me: haha i'm asking her if she's gonna go to strip clubs with him
ScarlettAce: haha, what is she saying?
me: "haha yeah right"
me:

Brooke: i don't think i can gamble :) probably for the best :)
me: eh, but no point in going there if there isn't some gambling done
Brooke: i dunno, i just want to be able to see mark
me: and go with him to strip clubs?
Brooke: haha, yeah right
me: it could be fun if you go together
me: at least it's a story
Brooke: hahah. i don't think mark would go for that in a million years
me: really?

me: WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM?
me: IS HE MISSING BOTH HIS BALLS?
me: fook, I'd go to strip clubs in vegas, why not?
ScarlettAce: omg, the smiley faces, they're killing me!
ScarlettAce: and she doesn't gamble??
me: what's WRONG with her?
me: are they going to spend the whole weekend holding hands?
ScarlettAce: omg, omg, omg, omg
ScarlettAce: she's going to vegas, and 1)isn't going to gamble
ScarlettAce: 2)isn't going to strip clubs?
ScarlettAce: and mark is a freakin eunuch if a strip club wouldn't tantalize him
ScarlettAce: "i just want to see mark"
ScarlettAce: priceless
me: I can't believe mark wouldn't want to go to a stripclub
ScarlettAce: dr. laura would love these people
ScarlettAce: they're diabetic apple pie
me: i'm so confused
ScarlettAce: me too
me: what guy doesn't want to go to a stripclub?
ScarlettAce: i know, right?
me: seriously
me: HE'S A FREAK!!!
me: READ THIS
ScarlettAce: brooke's mom chopped off his dick
ScarlettAce: i'm convinced of it
me:

Brooke: yeah, it would make him very uncomfortable and he would feel really weird about it
me: Seriously?
me: Is it the live aspect or the random naked girls aspect?
me: Or the public side?
Brooke: yeah, seriously. he's just that way. he doesn't want to see random naked girls alone, or with me. mark said he has no desire to ever go to a strip club, with or without me. he feels very strongly that he shouldn't see other naked girls beside me--i'm serious

me: Wait, let me highlight that
me: he doesn't want to see random naked girls alone, or with me. mark said he has no desire to ever go to a strip club, with or without me. he feels very strongly that he shouldn't see other naked girls beside me--i'm serious
ScarlettAce: i swear, he's lying or gay!
me: I am SO confused
ScarlettAce: or he must be bizarely asexual and lousy in bed
me: i mean, i bet brooke was the first girl he saw nekkid
ScarlettAce: i bet he only has sex with the lights off, in missionary
ScarlettAce: i know, that just means you're more boring than dry white bread
me:

me: does this mean no porn too?
Brooke: haha--he used to, but stopped once we got engaged. he really cracks me up. i asked him why and told him i honestly didn't mind at all, but he says he just dones't feel right about it. i don't know :)

me: What's wrong with him?
ScarlettAce: STOP THE FUCKING SMILEY FACES
me: seriously
me: What's WRONG WITH HIM
me: maybe he's afraid that if he jerks off to porn, he won't be able to recover by the time he has to sleep with her
me: what do i say?
me: i can't ask her if she's worried about his sex drive
ScarlettAce: ask her!
me: i can't
me: i just can't
ScarlettAce: do it!
ScarlettAce: its outta concern for her
ScarlettAce: really
ScarlettAce: lol
me: hahaha
me: i am bewildered
me: no porn
me: i bet no sex toys
ScarlettAce: ask!
ScarlettAce: lol
ScarlettAce: dude
ScarlettAce: i don't understand
me:

me: I wonder why he's like this
me: I mean, honestly, sainthood
Brooke: i don't know...mark feels very strongly about having certain morals and i guess this relates to that. i guess he doesn't feel it's right to look at women other than his wife.

me: honestly
me: he's so going to explode
ScarlettAce: okay, its fine to look at other women
ScarlettAce: to touch them, no
ScarlettAce: to approach them, no
ScarlettAce: but to admire?
ScarlettAce: totally normal!
me:

me: aww
me: that's sweet
Brooke: yeah :)
Brooke: he's a special one

me: I agree. SPECIAL.
ScarlettAce: "special"
ScarlettAce: as in special ed
me: sooo confused
me: i don't even know what to say to her anymore!
ScarlettAce: i know, its hard to relate to that kind of situation
ScarlettAce: cause its just not normal!
ScarlettAce: i can't believe she lives in this bubble
ScarlettAce: brooke have anything else truly bizarre to share?
me: i can't talk to her anymore
me: this was enough for my fragile system for the day