But really, revenge can be fun!

Did I mention that the beach house has wireless internet access? Ah, yes. I never have to be away from the computer, even while I'm sunning myself.

Anyway, I know that while my breakup isn't that interesting to other people, it (for obvious reasons) is the primary thing on my mind. Gah. I'm even annoying myself. But, I've given myself one week to freely complain, and then after that it'll only be every once in awhile.

The worst time of day for me is early morning, when I wake up and realise that oh, wait, I don't ever get to wake up next to fuckwit again. And as much as I hate to admit it, it hurts, and makes me feel somewhat hollow inside.

But throughout the rest of the day, I get to fume and ponder, ponder and fume. So I generally get over that initial moroseness and move on to being mad. Mad that he's being so immature. Mad that I didn't pick up on it earlier. Mad that I'm this mad. And while I know that it's more mature to take the moral high ground and move onwards to greater and better men, there is this little devious petty streak in me that wants to take revenge. Really really badly. I even googled "breakup, revenge" to see what was out there on the worldwideweb. Yeah, they all said that the best revenge was to move on, improve oneself, blahblahblah.

But That's No Fun At All. Petty revenge, while not advisable, is at least temporarily satisfying. So I've been indulging in some fantasies, and these are some of the things I've come up with. No, I'm actually (mostly) sane and I won't follow through on any of them. But it's fun imagining them happening anyway. My current favourite is the second one.

Signing him up, both on email and regular mail, to a bunch of spam lists, so that he gets tons of junk mail.
This one is rather lame, yes. But it is annoying. And annoying is fun, sometimes. But I couldn't really find anywhere online to sign him up! True, I didn't look that hard, I'm lazy. But people usually try to get off spam lists, not on them. Sigh. Along the same lines was submitting his cellphone number to a telemarketer list.

Having a hooker show up on his doorstep.
This one would just be damn funny. I'd pay good money for his roommate to videotape his reaction, too. And even if he didn't sleep with her (which ew, I hope he wouldn't), he'd still have to pay her. I'd make sure to get a high-class escort. Only the best. Or wait, she could show up at his work. But he'd know it was me behind it all, dammit.

Having Katie's father tell all the partners he knows at law firms not to hire the fuckwit.
This one only flittered across my brain for a second. Even I know that this isn't fair and it's just wrong to screw with someone else's career. But that didn't stop me from imagining it for that split second.

Replacing his precious Propecia with some other drug that has bad effects, like giving you horrible acne, diarrhea or huge man-boobs. Or best yet, one that would make you allergic to alcohol or the sun, or both.
This one would also be funny, since he is so scared of becoming bald. So he'd lose his hair, and something else horrible (but not life-threatening) would happen to him! A double whammy! Too bad my relatives who are pharmacists aren't his pharmacist. It would have rocked.

Signing him up on a dating website.
Yeah, this is sort of similar to the first. But since I'd be creating the profile, ooh la la, I could make as creative as I wanted. And I have lots of imagination. And I'd have the password to the account, not him. Then again, he would so know it was me.

Yes, I know that the ultimate revenge is be to fully get over him, become yet more desirable and start dating someone hotter, richer and smarter, who wasn't afraid of commitment and knew that that whole "I need a perpetual spark" bullshit is a 12-year-old girl's fantasy. But until that day comes or I'm not bitter anymore or I'm past this week, I'll just keep on imagining these fun scenarios. Suggestions are welcome.