Make. It. Stop.

Okay, so apparently Kevin and Bean were wrong. Or hopefully Ted Casablancas is wrong. Because the latter reports that Michael Vartan and Jennifer Garner MIGHT BE GETTING MARRIED. What the hell. It's only been 24 hours, and my hopes are already cruelly dashed. But she is in Canada right now. That gives me some time to make him see the light...

Anyhow. It is now less than a month until Brooke and Mark's wedding.

As a result, all Brooke talks about are her impending nuptials.

Wait, nothing's changed. This is all she's been talking about since April 2003, when he proposed. But it's gotten so much worse of late. Everything she does now is related to her wedding (whereas before boring tidbits about Mark were thrown in). All topics of conversation can be brought back to her wedding. For example:

Her: I just had lunch, but I'm still hungry :(
Me: What did you have?
Her: Boring food. A turkey sandwich, an apple and a granola bar.
Me: I'm going to have a panini.
Her: Ooooh that sounds good :)
Me: Life's too short to eat boring food.
Her: Well, I have to be on a super-strict diet so I can fit into my wedding dress. It's a little tight and I don't want to risk anything.
Me: Well, if the dress was made to fit you, why is it tight?
Her: Because that's just the way it is.

I'm sorry, my wedding dress is going to be comfortable. No reason I have to starve myself eating "boring food" to fit into a dress that's still too tight for me. She also works out obsessively (going to the gym for 2 hours every day) as part of her wedding diet (yet somehow, does not look toned at all. Skinny, yes. Toned, no). Please note, however, that we started out talking about food, but ended up talking about her wedding. Another example:

Her: I'm bored.
Me: Me too.
Her: I think I'm going to add more things to the registries.

What the hell? Do we need another example? I think so!

Her: What are your plans this weekend?
Me: Beach, alcohol, BBQ, Hollywood Bowl, more alcohol. Hopefully some shopping too.
Her: Sounds like fun. Wanna trade? :)
Me: Why, what are your plans?
Her: Shopping for wedding-related stuff.
Her: Pretty much from here on out, it's all wedding-related stuff :)
Me: Yeah, I noticed.
[An astute person would note here to Shut Up Already about wedding-related stuff. Not Brooke. She thinks that we're all as interested as she is.]
Her: Yeah, there are so many little things to do and details to take care of. You'd think it'd be easy once the big stuff is out of the way, but no. I have to go... [and this is where I started tuning out because really I didn't care anymore]

It also doesn't help that she has absolutely no friends in Boston. Zero. None. Personne. How can someone live in one place for 2 years and not have any friends? Oh, that's right, she has Mark. Unfortunately, Mark is currently in LA, and she is left in Boston with nobody.

I feel bad that I feel like this, because I am a bridesmaid, and I understand for her this is the Most Important Day in her young life - but ARGH I have better things to do with my time. Like mentally decorating and redecorating the apartment I'm getting here when I finally move back for good. But this is all Brooke talks about - and believe me, she is so bored at work that she wants to talk all the time and I'm the only friend she has on IM. And then, as a result, *I* end up only talking about Brooke's wedding because I'm complaining over how much time it takes and how it's all she talks about!

As Scarlett astutely pointed out, Brooke could start talking about the Middle East and end up relating it to her wedding.

But this raises the very valid question - what's Brooke going to talk about after she's married? I mean, this has consumed her since well, 5.5 years ago, the winter of our freshman year in college, when she asked me if I'd be her bridesmaid. (Remember, Mark only proposed last April.) Babies? Ohmigod if she starts talking babies, that's it, our friendship is so officially over.