Family grief.

Thanksgiving is the one of the two times per year where I am subjected to my extended family. And when I say extended, I mean extended - my mother is one of nine, although luckily only four others and their families live in the area. And that's my mother's side alone - my father is one of eight but luckily they all live elsewhere.

So on Thanksgiving, they, and all of their offspring, descend upon my house. Ack! And naturally, everyone in the family is freaking nosy and do not understand the concept of Minding One's Own Business. So frequently, I am barraged with passive-aggressively worded statements and phrases or just hidden bombs. Take, for instance, my looks.

Grandmother: You look like you've lost some weight.
Me: [thinking] Actually, I've put on three pounds, I weighed myself this morning.
Grandmother: You'd look even prettier if you lost some more weight.

And then she wonders why I don't visit her more frequently. I don't know, between statements like that and telling my other cousins that I'm an ungrateful wretch who brings much grief to my mother, I frankly don't think her company is that enjoyable. You'd think I was a (fat) dropout druggie living on the streets the way she talks about me.

Then there are those who wonder about my change in career paths.

Uncle: So where are you now, Berkeley?
Me: Huh? What?
Uncle: No, that's right, you're not there. So what are you majoring in?
Me: It's not really a major so much as I'm getting my master's in education.
Uncle: Education. Really.

See, the part you can't read there is the subtext, which goes along the lines of You ungrateful little brat, you were in medical school and then left and now are pursuing this useless degree which will not help anyone in the family besides yourself. Why couldn't you have been like your older cousins and become either a pharmacist or a doctor? Those are useful professions. Your parents did not pay for 21 years of private schooling just so you could up and throw it away on something useless.

What also are fun are the significant other questions.

Aunt: So, are you dating anyone new now?
Me: Hm, yeah, not really.

Again, the subtext. What my aunt is really trying to say is, your two oldest cousins - who, incidentally, are a pharmacist and a doctor - were engaged to nice young boys at your age, what is wrong with you?

But, I must give props to another one of my cousins, who is two years older. Nobody likes her because she is selfish and annoying and takes after her mother, who is psycho, selfish and annoying. I don't talk to this cousin because, well, she is selfish and annoying. Anyway, I must sincerely thank her for getting engaged to a divorced 49-year-old who has two kids who are 12 and 10. He is the age of some of our aunts and uncles. And she is only 26 - that's right, the children are closer in age to her than she is to her soon-to-be husband. This means that all I have to do is someday bring someone home who is closer in age to me and has no baggage in the form of offspring and previous wives and the family will be fine with that. Seeing that I had severe issues going out with a divorced 33yo who only had two dogs, I think I will be okay. My happiness seems rather selfish, but in this family, it's often all about self-preservation.