There is NOTHING like lording it over your ex..

.. even when he doesn't know about it.

And even though you're over him, and wouldn't go back to dating him in a million-and-one years and have replaced him with a freaking conservative who annoyingly thinks that the NYTimes is too liberal of a newspaper and has no social conscience (but hey, that's a whole different story)... well, it just feels so damn good.

You always knew he tried so so hard.

And never really quite made it.

When he didn't get into his first-choice college (which, coincidentally, you went to, take that!) - well, you didn't know him back then, so really, there was nothing to be said or done - well, aside from the pointed jokes that came up from time to time thereafter.

When he didn't get into his first-choice law school.. oh, you sympathised appropriately. Wasn't that a pity he got wait-listed! Too bad!

But then after he committed the egregious action of breaking up with you - hah, there's no more sympathetic pity to be proffered on this end!

When he didn't get his clerkship, and had to settle for an A-/B+law firm - which yes, while good, wasn't quite good enough (we're all a bunch of overachievers here, and he didn't get an offer at the top several firms in LA) - oh gosh, did that feel good. In that very bitter, HAH he got what was coming to him sort of way, a feeling that only a scorned ex can appropriately dredge up.

And how did you find out? When his college roommate called you out of the blue, wanting to hang out. And then after you had plied him with enough alcohol, because let's be serious, he has no idea how to pace and you do, he just spilled all. About how your ex is a great big mama's boy and to this day still sends all his papers to her to be corrected before he hands them in. About how he actually was a More Relaxed studier when you met him (which - OH MY GOD he had SIX DIFFERENT COLOURED HIGHLIGHERS and got his notes professionally bound how could he be any more anal it just boggles the mind!). About how he was - oh, wait - is an emotionless robot and how he is just always one step short.

To add icing to the cake? Ah, scrumptious cake. The icing is when you and said roommate decide that just perhaps you should get a group to go on spring break together. Let it be said that there is no even hooking up interest on each other's part, the sole intention would be to sit on the beach and pickle your liver, there's still that small sense of satisfaction knowing that it would weird your ex out. A lot. It's just great to get another's goat.

Especially when he has it coming to him.

Because really. He had it coming.

Moral of the story: Don't mess with me. I always get my way in the end.